Jim Vs. The Volcano (2024) (starring Sharon)

Not a traditional movie essay / analysis but a declaration of true love and to make a major announcement in a way that made the most sense to me.

I met the love of my life in 2019. Of course, I didn’t know it back then. I was working at a different library, not too long after I left teaching music. Our earliest correspondence was in 2019 when I decided to add someone to my Facebook friends list on the basis that she loved movies, was a librarian and looked very cute. I was nervous at first. There was a lot going on at the time for us both, including a career change of my own.

We exchanged many messages on Facebook before meeting in person for a first date. There’s even an email dating back to June 2019 in which Sharon declares that, “I'll probably be single for the next three years, but that's basically what I'm signing on for” because she was about to begin law school. I was just beginning to work at the Chicago Public Library where she was working one floor below, then later, one floor above. 2019 was an incredibly difficult time. I remember having a panic attack right outside of a Panera Bread for a number of reasons and Sharon was able to message and console me right as I was about to call off and go home. She’s been an inspiration; a pillar of strength when it comes to resilience and mental health for a number of reasons. We are the best of friends because of that and so much more that it’s hard to summarize (though I’m going to try).

On November 20th, 2021, I took a photo of the moon outside of her apartment. We had gotten back from seeing the new Wes Anderson movie and in my mind, I saw myself asking Sharon to be my partner. That’s not how it came out when we began talking in her apartment. I simply admitted to the fact that I still had very strong feelings for her. I had for quite a while but it took me away to have the confidence to take the next steps. I struggled to be fully secure in my own skin, thinking for quite a long time, no one would want me. Let alone her. Boy was I wrong!

Thankfully, Sharon did and by the time we had gone on a couple of dates, we walked down Foster to have breakfast for dinner at the Dollop Diner. I saw a sign that said, “You are beautiful,” and pointed it out to her. Then something in me realized that I can be honest like that in the moment and just say whatever I felt without worry. I was connecting more strongly with a person than I have in well over a decade. At the same time, I was struggling with my health especially since during lock-down, I didn’t take care of myself. It’s a regret that I’ve seen worked on and hopefully rectified for good.

Cut to a couple of years later when I began a full-time librarian career and a Master’s Degree. I actually went to a doctor, the dentist, started exercising and taking medication. One of them turned out to be the wrong medication and something me in felt like it was keeping me numb, shut down and out of touch with who I really was. In August, I stopped the medicine, talked with my doctor and finally stopped overindulging. Most of all, I felt overwhelming passion, like a wall had been taken down. Granted, I had a lot of work left to do. As of this November, the results of the hard work and commitment have paid off. I am healthier, happier, in a better place and realized that there is no one else in my life that I want to grow old with. It’s Sharon.

How does this all go back to Joe Vs. The Volcano, a movie that became a recent all-time favorite within the past ten years thanks to film critic and friend Collin Souter showing it in his apartment projected on a screen? Well the first thing Sharon ever sent me was a box of chocolates with a note inside. The note was a quote from Joe Vs. The Volcano. Collin’s reply via email was, “sounds like a keeper to me.” She had my heart swell and burst. I truly wish I had just dated her sooner because this was certainly before we became friends. Now I know, she is more than a friend, but a life partner. Someone I can listen to for hours. Someone that feels like home. There’s a lot more than just saying to her, “Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?” I can’t help but write out my thoughts and feelings here, there and everywhere.

Depression and anxiety can feel like a volcano that can erupt without warning. I believe fire is more of an apt metaphor for mania which I haven’t experienced, but still, it’s this abyss of uncertainty. It can keep you up in the middle of the night. It can cause you to shut down or lose track of wants, needs, desires. Or often, leads you astray to misguided impulsivity out of fear. Perhaps the volcano in the film essentially becomes a metaphor for death. And to me, depression and anxiety can take you away from truly feeling alive and present. What happens when you come face to face with the worst, or something that makes you feel like a non-person, unworthy of existence?

What’s even more astonishing is when you come face to face with the best, someone that makes you feel better, like your existence matters. Joe does find that in Patricia after a long existential journey which involves facing death. More recently for me, I have stared into an abyss of depression that made me realize, “this isn’t going anywhere, what can I do to manage this better so I can be the best partner and to simply just learn to like myself?” Even before Sharon and I began dating, she mentioned going through an intensive outpatient treatment program that helped her through a difficult time.

In October, I decided I had to do the same for a number of reasons, most of all being unresolved trauma that I’m still processing. That trauma kept me away from going anywhere near the metaphorical volcano. Now I no longer face it alone. In fact, Sharon and I have faced a lot of scary destructive forces and crooked roads as individuals and even a couple of them together. But there’s no turning back. There’s still fear, but we’re holding hands, instead of jumping into the fire alone. I played songs written for her before proposing to ensure we’re going to be great together forever. It was our 3-year anniversary.

I used to only see an ending for being in love because that’s what I was used to. Or going through life as a ghost without a fully formed sense of self or confidence. Patricia, in the film, embraces the mysteries of existence and love, and says of the volcano: “Joe, nobody knows anything. We’ll take this leap and we’ll see. We’ll jump and we’ll see. That’s life.” In fact, I knew in my head that I wanted to say to Sharon a week ago when I proposed, “Take this leap with me and we’ll see.” Or begin quoting the film further.

Then I realized, I didn’t need to rely on a movie quote. I can just speak from the heart without reservation, which is not something the old me could always do comfortably. Yes I was nervous and awkward and silly but that’s also who I am. We fit together. Even the broken pieces of the puzzle from the past, we’re able to find them and help each other piece them one by one even if it takes a lifetime. As long as we’re there, we can make it work. We can find our way, using love as a compass.

And once in a lifetime, if you’re lucky, you’ll find someone that may not necessarily “complete you” like a movie once made us all think was true. They just feel right. You want to see them as much as possible. It was so easy for me to get caught up in Cameron Crowe-like quotes of idealized romanticism over two decades ago. But now I see Joe Vs. The Volcano as being the better version of life, love and everything in-between. There’s no need to tell another human being, “you complete me,” because that puts a lot of pressure on. It’s a sweet sentiment but I’m more in line with the world of Albert Brooks as I’ve gotten older (not Modern Romance mind you but Defending Your Life).

Though I also can’t imagine going through life anymore without Sharon by my side. I think taking a leap with her (a quantum leap) is more apt. Because we could jump into the volcano of life and have no idea what happens. Ideally, the volcano would spit us back out into the ocean and we could use our luggage as a raft. Then we would see the moon together and realize we are not alone. We don’t need to be alone. We have each other. Just like Joe and Patricia, sailing away together on the ocean in the end.

Our whole lives are always still ahead of us, no matter how much smaller that grows with each sunset or each time the moon rises in the sky above us near her home. We take the leap to look out for one another and ourselves. There’s still a lot of life to live, and with that comes uncertainty. Even more loss. The point of the journey of being in love is to make thoughtful choices about how to live, and the volcano is both life and death, together, combined.

As individuals, we spend a lot of time alone too. But we don’t have to go through our whole lives lonely as long as we are open and vulnerable and authentic. Let’s maintain connections especially when they help and heal instead of harm. Somehow the film Joe Vs. The Volcano has become more than just a silly Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan romantic comedy but a representation of my experience and to some extent, my fear of love, life and everything that comes with it. Now I have to ask Sharon if it will be okay to serve orange soda at the wedding.

We’re jumping in now, together. Engaged. Hand in hand. It all comes full circle. Sharon and me and the moon. The universe brought us here. It also created a movie (and lots of music) to light the way and remind us that things can and will be okay again. Sharon as a human being, is a sight to behold. Not just because of her sky blue eyes and her beautiful mind, but her strength, resilience, determination, compassion and passion for so many things I feel connected to as well. We love movies and movies about mental health (so proud of her accomplishments with the Mental Filmness Film Festival). We love cats and coffee and breakfast food. We love walking to the beach in the summer around her birthday. We love going to the Music Box Theatre or certainly, seeing A New Leaf on the big screen at Doc Films a couple years ago. We loved taking our first trip together to The House on The Rock of which an entire video exists. There’s much more to say; words aren’t enough.

I wouldn’t have made significant changes to my mental and physical health were it not for her support and encouragement. “I've been miserable so long, years of my life wasted, afraid. Been a long time coming here to meet her – a long time, on a crooked road.” Sharon and I will leap into marriage soon. And as long as we have one another and share tomorrow, anything is possible. In summation, I love Sharon more than anything in the world. She said yes on November 21st, 2024. Excited and overjoyed to spend the rest of my life supporting and loving her until my last breath.