#25: "Sappy" - Nirvana
A hidden track that became an all-time favorite of mine - I would go so far as to say it is the best song they ever released. Features my cover of the song at the end!
Listening to In Utero again for the 100th time in preparation for the 1993 favorite records podcast, I became more aware of the fact that there weren’t a lot of hooks. The singles sure had them and it’s not to say other songs were devoid of them entirely, but Nirvana was set at the time, to not repeat what they had done on Nevermind, another record that changed my life but hasn’t stuck long-term. But I remember exactly where I was when I first got In Utero and certainly when I heard this particular song. I even had my guitar in hand and tried to figure out the chords.
There’s something about Bleach and In Utero that feels more akin to what Kurt Cobain intended. He was raised on punk for sure, but he also loved R.E.M and The Beatles. So when you listen to a song like “About A Girl,” on Bleach, you already sense that they weren’t all about angst and screaming. Kurt liked pop music but it wasn’t necessarily cool and fashionable while living in Seattle. There are a lot of strong melodies throughout the entire Nirvana catalog but something about “Sappy” feels like the perfect encapsulation of what they achieved and could’ve gone on to do more of.
Watching MTV’s Unplugged feat. Nirvana, it’s clear that Kurt’s softer side was always there. Another track that summarizes his strengths is “Pennyroyal Tea” because you get the soft quiet clean strum for the verses and then the loud screeching distortion during the chorus. They were sort of known on Nevermind as being the ‘verse chorus verse’ band that just managed to hit at the right place at the right time. There just happened to be so much more than meets the ear when it came to Kurt Cobain’s songwriting.
Lyrically, it could be all over the place with no discernible direction or theme. Check out “Milk It” for an example of random chaotic imagery that may or may not add up to a cohesive statement. “Sappy” on the other hand, my favorite Nirvana song, is about entrapment within yourself. A prison of your own making. It feels like Todd Haynes’ Safe only as a grunge anthem. Kurt Cobain never wanted to be famous or live in a bubble, necessarily. But after success, he was trapped. And in terrible pain.
If I had migraines every single day, I would be inclined to look to any remedy including opiates. There was a time in my 20s when I did get them nearly every day. At a now defunct clinic that suffered multiple lawsuits, I saw a neurologist whose answer to migraine headaches were in fact, painkillers. When I was prescribed Darvocet (akin to Percocet which Kurt was also on), it felt like the perfect feeling. Not only were the headaches gone but I felt extreme euphoria and warm sedation. I knew then I better not ever try heroin. Once I got off the painkillers after a couple of months, I felt terrible withdrawal. That doctor was a quack.
I think of “Sappy” as being about living in a perpetual state of comfortable numbness to where you convince yourself it’s exactly where you want to be. A lot of people have goals in life some of which go unrealized. For a while it seemed like the best approach would be to live in a suburb, with a wife, child and a decent home. I think Kurt is commenting on the facade of that ideal. You think that’ll make you happy but think again. It just keeps you in one place without being able to do more.
My favorite line in the entire song is the final one in the chorus. “Conclusion came to you.” It means that an ending or satiation is here and that’s that. You’re done. You’ve decided that this is the life I wanted whether you actually wanted it or not. Perhaps being in a loveless marriage is in now being in a perpetual state of acceptance. “You’ll think you’re happy,” is what is being said throughout. Not to mention the idea of “living in a laundry room,” basically means the happy housewife has succumbed. She may have even lost independence and individuality in the process.
I know I’ve been stuck in some pretty dire circumstances throughout my life. Even the feeling of grief and loss still feels like its own “jar” that I can never escape from. There was a time when music was my only refuge. Especially when my parents were going through difficult times, and I needed to listen to something on my headphones as a way to cope with the uncomfortable environment. My teen years were challenging as it is for just about everyone. Kurt picked up on the tension we all face - whether we’re in high school or in a marriage.
A lot of these ideas are nothing new, certainly they all came to a head in the late 90s when so many films (like Happiness) were commenting on suburban life being empty. Kurt had a clear vision - a sense of what this song is about and managed to keep it crisp, concise, catchy and dynamic. The chord structure built around Dmin is just impeccable - a variation on just rolling with four or five chords but never making it sound repetitive. Of course they did a lot of the whole clean guitar suddenly becoming loud and distorted in the way the Smashing Pumpkins would later achieve, but it’s actually an infectious pop song even if it’s encased inside the grunge milieu.
“In order to reinforce the message against patriarchal misogyny, Kurt uses the imagery of women being put in a jar. Jars are most commonly made of glass and discrimination against women in the workplace is often expressed as a “glass ceiling.” Except inside the theoretical jar, the woman is also oppressed by glass walls and a glass ground.” - Genius Annotation
Kurt really, truly cared about women. Sometimes a song like “Rape Me” was taken the wrong way for obvious reasons. The same could be said about Toad the Wet Sprocket’s “Hold Her Down,” which even my aunt found to be very offensive. It was never about advocating the act of sexual violence; it was about bringing attention to it. “Polly” was even troubling in a similar way in which the singer is taking on the form of a kidnapper. This was a way to try and get inside the mind of someone he couldn’t understand. I truly think Kurt knew women that were trapped or lost and out came a song like “Sappy” as a way to cope and comment on what he saw in his own life. Domestication shouldn’t be the end goal necessarily. There isn’t always long-term happiness to be found by being a trophy wife - stability, perhaps, but the potential for realizing that maybe there’s no way out.
“Sappy” is a very haunting song to me which is why I stripped it down for my cover and attempted to imagine Elliott Smith covering it. Was also one of the earliest moments where I tried doubling my vocals in attempts to sound eerie & detached, rather than angsty or angry. Yes, this has often been interpreted as a song about women in an abusive patriarchal system and I agree with that interpretation. But it could be about someone trapped in anything - a job, a friendship - anything toxic. We all find ourselves in a variation of the “laundry room” going through a tired routine. A jar could be our cubicle, our house, our car or even the technology we now rely on.
It’s a cautionary tale of sorts meant to make you aware of the possibility of entrapment. The song warns against fooling yourself into thinking that sacrificing yourself for someone else will lead to happiness. But perhaps it means something different to the listener. The great thing about a song like this is it can take on very personal significance, even though he/she has nothing to do with the writer. That's what makes it "art" instead of some factual biography or academic textbook. Same reason a painting is different than a photo.
For me, this is the epitome of everything I had hoped to hear more of from Nirvana. They were an early favorite band of mine. Matthew Sweet, Liz Phair and Nirvana were the reasons I paid closer attention to music at the time and decided to write songs and form a band. “Sappy” came out a couple years after this on a tribute record called No Alternative which was a benefit compilation for an A.I.D.S charity. In fact, it was even a hidden track. Bands like Soundgarden, Sonic Youth, Matthew Sweet, Buffalo Tom and many others were featured. But I was so drawn to “Sappy” above all the rest. It to me seemed like the future of Nirvana while also embracing what they do so well. Not to mention, my cover of this song remains one of the most popular tracks I’ve uploaded to Soundcloud. I even used the flicking of a lighter as a click track and kept it in (click below). Part of me would’ve loved to have heard Kurt play an acoustic rendition of “Sappy” and maybe this was just my way of fulfilling that wish.
