#14: "Red Dragon Tattoo" - Fountains of Wayne

Adam Schlesinger is one of my favorite songwriters, so this won't be the last time he comes up. Him + Chris Collingwood wrote many of my favorite pop anthems ever.

It's hard to know where to begin with the work of Adam Schlesinger and what he accomplished in this band. Here was someone a decade older than me creating the kind of music I always hoped to create myself. There was a song I wrote once called “Carrie Me” that was essentially a tip of the hat to FOW. Adam & company may have come five years after the monumental impact of Matthew Sweet and Liz Phair had on me, but he had rapidly become one of my favorite songwriters by the time the second Fountains of Wayne record came out. That's not to discount what Chris Collingwood brought to the band but I kept seeing the name Schlesinger more and more around the time I began heavily getting into power-pop (Semisonic's Dan Wilson will undoubtedly come up in this 5-year writing project as well).

Not to mention that Collingwood did co-write the majority of the early Fountains of Wayne “bangers” as the kids like to say these days. There was an initial symmetry and unity between two true blue talents. I won’t deny Collingwood’s contribution to the song but I can’t help but focus more on Adam. When I found out Adam was responsible for the vast amount of ear worms on the terrific Rachel Bloom vehicle Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, there was no doubt to me that Adam in particular belonged near the top of my list of all-time favorite musicians. I vividly remember how lucky I felt getting to talk to him once for an interview which you can listen to below. When he passed away from Covid complications, I was devastated, but I’m grateful we spoke:

It's also difficult to choose one song from the Fountains of Wayne catalog as a personal favorite because there are dozens. Schlesinger’s list of songs that I’ve listened to repeatedly goes well and beyond the double digits. He primarily played bass in the band especially live, but he was always a part of the songwriting process. (Here’s a playlist that I wish I had put together first). What got me into his work was hearing the song and seeing the video for "Radiation Vibe" by FOW on MTV. That may have been everybody's first discovery since that infectious pop ditty was a minor alternative hit along with the follow-up single, "Sink to the Bottom." As much as I love their debut and consider a lot of the songs on there to be perfect, their follow-up was even stronger. It cemented my fandom from that point forward even though there were diminishing returns for reasons that make sense. 

Utopia Parkway announced itself with the opening title track right from the start. I began to think of why this band suddenly worked so perfectly for me in a way that Weezer didn't. Admittedly, they had a lot of great singles too, but somehow Fountains of Wayne's humor worked on me better. It was less about "woe is me" framework that dominated Pinkerton and more about celebrating the joys and perils of being in love. The tempos were faster, the hooks more assured and it’s clear they were influenced by songwriting from the ‘oldies’ era. Perhaps it just felt and sounded more upbeat in the traditional pop rock sense. And one of the first records I loved as a kid was the debut from The Cars (thanks, dad). Weezer's debut was produced by Ric Ocasek but Fountains of Wayne often sounded more like a shiny Big Star or Squeeze or The Posies.

“He was a genius.” proclaimed Rachel Bloom the day he passed. “One example of how Adam might have affected your life” was that he was the one who wrote the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song “Gettin’ Bi,” which many people have since used to come out. “That was all Adam.” - Rachel Bloom, long-time collaborator and friend of Adam’s.

The Collingwood/Schlesinger collaboration didn’t last despite the massive success of their third album, thanks to the popularity of “Stacy’s Mom.” There was an eventual falling out between Chris and Adam who started to have different opinions about songwriting. The album Traffic and Weather by Fountains of Wayne is primarily an Adam-solo record then Sky Full of Holes was an inevitable swan song. Collingwood was suffering from depression and alcoholism during the making of what became the penultimate album for this project. As a result, he only penned three songs and Schlesinger more or less became the temporary leader. Both that album and the one that followed are definitely a turning point to where even some of the songs aren’t as strong as the early work, but there are gems still to be found throughout.

“As the 2000s went on, tensions grew between the two friends who had founded Fountains of Wayne a decade earlier. “We fought a lot,” Collingwood says. “Sometimes about music, sometimes about art direction, set lists, musical keys, often about the different ways we thought the band should be perceived. I loved him, and people you love can piss you off more than anyone else.” - Simon Vozick-Levinson, Rolling Stone

I may have to write about a FOW ballad down the road (one from this album truly destroys me) but let’s go with something buoyant that definitely made me adore the band even more. The production on Utopia Parkway was crisper, polished and less lo-fi than their debut. They became a studio band, confident and contained. They found their voice with their sophomore effort. The slow but steady title track is a great way to begin the fun, but I also contend that the record truly takes off with the second song, “Red Dragon Tattoo” which is almost the earliest example of their strengths. I remember first hearing it and thinking, this should be a huge radio hit. (Sadly, success didn’t happen until “Stacy’s Mom” which wore out its welcome for me thanks to overplay ad naseum).

I think an underrated facet of Schlesinger’s skills (we know he’s a master of melody) is the simple storytelling he’s able to achieve in 3 minutes, 30 seconds. We are brought into the world and the lives of others that often sound thoughtful and sincere. This song is about a slightly misguided dude who has decided that all he needs to do to win the girl of his dreams is to get a tattoo. It’s clear that he’s never done anything like this before, and the song details the day he goes to get the tattoo. As most things done on impulse, things don’t quite go as planned. His object of affection isn’t quite as enamored with him, despite a noble effort to connect and impress.

Will you stop pretending I’ve never been born?
Now I look a little more like that guy from Korn
If you came a little bit closer
You’d see it isn’t painted on, oh no no

The bridge here is when I first laughed out loud while listening. Not only because of the pop culture reference regarding the divisive nu-metal band that I’ve never liked, but it’s clear that despite the upbeat quality of what’s taking place (including the Cars-esque keyboard solo to make things sound enjoyable), our narrator is quite bummed out that the girl he’s trying to win over is simply not into him. So, there is a hint of undeniable sadness despite the fast tempo and major-key power chords. It’s a pop rocky tale of unrequited love and the things we do to try and get people to notice us. Yet it also sounds like summer - blasting a jam out of the car radio with the windows open. That’s the magic of Schlesinger’s work and FOW in general.

There are also cute little details such as the .38 Special collection, Basil Hayden and a photo of Easy Rider embedded throughout. Plus, he picked up Bactine to avoid infection from the tattoo. The rather comical idea of “confiding” in a tattoo to save the day so he can reclaim his love is just something that always makes me smile. That’s one thing that doesn’t always happen in a favorite song for me: I smile, I experience joy and revel at the pitch-perfect pop melody construction of it all. Not to mention the infectious hook that Schlesinger & Collingwood could pull off in their sleep. Lastly, never forget the fact they penned the title track for Tom Hanks’ That Thing You Do!

With nothing to prove, will you be my honey? Yet this lovelorn fella wants to prove his love to someone who will reciprocate by going steady. Though let’s face it - right during the opening line of the second verse he admits to heavy drinking, which likely influenced this poor decision, all of which we can relate to. Instead of a drunk text or ordering an impulse purchase online, he went out and got a lame piece of ink on his skin that will forever remind him of his mistake. I guess he could get it removed but that won’t entirely erase the memory. Thankfully there is no reference to the Red Dragon adaptation, a subpar take on Manhunter to add to the Hannibal universe.

This may not be a song that tops every FOW fanatic but it’s up there as being the one that solidified my love for all-things Schlesinger. It’s just such a fun time - up there with the best pop anthems that make me giddy. There’s no denying that debut album is tremendous as well (in fact I sent my own demo to the subsidiary label they signed to - Scratchie Records - owned by James Iha) based on my response to their self-titled record. (It’s possibly that my high school band did as well). But there was something about Utopia Parkway that stepped things up - it was a precursor to the success they received with the third album, but this one to me, is just as good if not better.

“Red Dragon Tattoo” is forever in my head based on not just the catchy chorus or the fact that it’s in A major (another key element to some of my favorite songs), but the fact that the hero of our story is just a dweeb who thought getting a tattoo was cool. If you dip into the world of Schlesinger’s work even on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, you’ll hear all kinds of stories about people just trying to get by, fall in love and figure themselves out. He wrote the kind of songs that will never leave your mind. Anyone who knew his work, revered and appreciated him and I know I will write about him some more in the future. As a prolific and consistently remarkable songwriter… in you I confide, Adam. You will inspire future generations thanks to your many incredible contributions.